Where There is Smoke On The Water...Go For It!

Once upon a time, long, long ago:

FLASHBACK TO UC DAVIS DAYS: Mr. Pansy and I were moving, which for some reason called for ingesting a mind-altering substance and while we were engaged in a PDA (private display of affection) -- which often happens after ingesting such a substance -- I suddenly was struck with the certain knowledge that if I let myself have the orgasm that was coming I was going to die from it (I suspect the substance made me falsely believe that) and I actually insisted we stop the PDA. And Mr. Pansy did! This guy is amazing. He still lives with me to this day. I have not had any regrets because, after all, that orgasm WAS going to kill me I am certain but I HAVE recalled it over the years and sure missed it----- it was going to be THAT good.

FLASHFORWARD TO JAMAICA, 2000: That year when we hit the beach we found a lady on a raft in possession of some "smoke on the water." Some of it got into my lungs. This was a problem as it has been 30 years of substance abstinence for me and I had absolutely no tolerance built up, so it was quite effective on me. This sure ain't your father's weed! But, much like your father's weed, we had to quickly go to our room for some PDA and I FOUND THE LOST ORGASM!! And so did Mr. Pansy and he didn't even know he had lost one! I faced death down this time because frankly what better way to die than while having THE orgasm in Jamaica!!!??? Woweee! Not Maui Wowie, way much better!

The best part of Jamaica is the nonstop, as much as you want it, uninterrupted sex. So we decided to find our limits, which came (a sex pun!) to a pleasantly dehydrated conclusion after 4 days and 18 experiments. It occurs to me that it has been a few years now and it is probable that the Pansys need to perform new tests and update the data.

Now picture this whole story being experienced by someone old enough to be your grandmother. A slutty grandmother but still and all.....Makes you want to yell "Blind me now, God! Please!" don't it? Sometimes the truth hurts....others. hahaahaha.

Signed,
Holy Mother of God!
(I believe that's what Mr. Pansy yelled out during the experiments. Even if it's not true, I am still a believer!!)