#1 -- Pansy Walks Into A Bar And...

Once upon a time, long, long ago:

Pansy, Mr. Pansy, Pansy's Stupid Elderly Baby Sister (SEBS) and SEBS's Hubby went to a local, very small capacity bar to hear Willie Dixon LIVE!!! We, being completely cheap assed Pansys, got there hours and hours early to avoid the cover charge. We ate some really crappy bar food and it was hot in there. So Pansy had to drink adult beverages for hours and hours. Willie Dixon was hot, hot, hot and totally worth it, of course.

At evening's end, upon leaving the bar, Pansy heads straight for the car across the street, momentarily forgetting that the wooden Old Tyme sidewalk is raised above the street. Instead of walking to the left or right to go down the steps she walks off the sidewalk which at that location is about 24 inches above street level. Down goes her foot which collapses upon contact with the street and she is now down onto her right knee. Along comes her left foot which also collapses onto her left knee but is a step "ahead" of her right foot/leg. Because she was very focused on walking toward the car, the next step with her right leg Pansy is back up onto her foot and she moves it forward, ahead of her still downed left knee. Then the same with her left leg...straight back up onto her left foot so now she is standing again and walking forward. This would have been all fine and good except then she randomly kept doing the walk on her feet a couple steps/down on her knees for a couple "steps"/walk on her feet thing--again and again and again--in her attempt to suavely get to the car. The problem was SEBS's Hubby kept shouting various words of encouragement such as:

"Touchdown!"
"She's Safe!"
"In the hole!"
"Gooooaaaalllllll!!"

This only encouraged the crowd to cheer and yell for "More!" I politely told them all to fuck off and said I'd like to see THEM walk any better with these stupid high heels someone had sneaked onto my feet and the road was obviously defective, hazardous and pothole-filled. They showed their sympathy with louder laughter and asking Pansy to "do that again." They were just jealous of Pansy's Incredible Coordination And Rockin' Reflexes. She never even had to put a hand down to keep her balance. Now, yes, this is a short and not very intricate story but it is presented here as Proof Positive that Pansy is Scary Coordinated no matter what. Sort of. Not even too many scuffs on her knees when it was finally all over.