Was That A Masked Donkey?

Mr. Pansy saw a kid on a bike ride (I did not see said kid since I was busy studying the stripes on the road as I pedaled along) wearing a Mexican Wrestling full-face mask. Mr. Pansy now strongly desires to get such a mask for ME. He feeds the Pansy Monster even as he disdains and mocks it.

Then he laughs because he just "knows" I will pick the worst possible mask, hopefully the one representing the most-hated wrestler. And then when I wear said bad choice mask over to my daughter Sexy Mexican's house, I will be beseiged by whatever other 2 dozen Mexicans happen to be at her house (because Mexicans always have hordes of people in their house at all hours) and get stabbed, shot, stripped down, tied up, raped in all ways, injected with multiple bad drugs, have my head and camel toe shaved (or re-shaved as the location may warrant), dragged through the streets by my heels behind a donkey.......and this is where Mr. Pansy runs out of descriptive events.

He asks me if he left anything out. I said "Well, how about I get dragged through the streets after the donkey has his way with me too?" Mr. Pansy, amazed that he had not thought of THAT, says, "OK, that should do it." I love it that Mr. Pansy and I can share our thoughts and feelings.

So, about a week after the First Donkey Conversation, as we are walking into the grocery store, I tell Mr. Pansy: "Hey! You forgot all about the fact that the horde of Mexicans would also carve their initials in my flesh, give me huge tattoos in Olde Englishe Thugge Scripte (hopefully across my abdomen) AND a few brands." Mr. Pansy smiles and agrees that does sound plausible but then threw a monkey wrench in the works by expressing doubts that Branding is a traditional Mexican heritage thing. We move on to the produce department.

Plus, he wants the donkey to have nipple piercings! Well, I say there is no way MY donkey would have nipple piercings. I mean, donkeys don't even have enough nipples to make that kind of piercing very extraordinary. And their nipples are located in a somewhat unobservable part of the donkey's anatomy. Do male donkeys even HAVE nipples? Besides, MY donkey should have Prince Albert piercings. Several in fact. I find my favorite pickles, which that fucking grocery store is ALWAYS out of, so I picked up several jars.

Now Mr. Pansy says I cannot get the mask at just a costume store. It has to be a "REAL" mask which means a foray into The Bad Part Of Town where a stray bullet will hit our car or something. And even though I have found the Perfect Mexican Wrestling full-face mask on the internet, I still do not possess one. Because Mr. Pansy is not comfortable with ordering stuff from the internet.

We are currently at a Mexican Stand Off in our negotiations.