So, Sexy Mexican is pregnant with her first child. Somewhere about Month 4 she discovers a lump near her armpit. She freaks and shows it to me and The Portugese Washer Woman. We tell her "We're Lesbanese Wannabes, dammit, NOT doctors, bitch" whereupon we then gave her comforting massages which she put a stop to after a half-hour. Selfish whore takes her jollies but leaves us hanging. The rest of that workday tensions were pretty damn high.
The doctor, who massaged her a little too much in my opinion, tells her all women are born with loads of breast tissue which usually gets together during puberty and becomes two breasts. Except when it doesn't. Her "lump" is another boob, complete with small brown nipple! Sexy Mexican really is sexy! Portugese and I squeal with laughter and take every opportunity from then on (this was 6 years ago) to loudly ask in any public place we can entrap Sexy Mexican "So, how's your third nipple doing?" Oh, how we all laugh. Except for Her Royal Sexy Mexican Sour Pussness.
But you know, what goes around sometimes indeed does come around. About 3-1/2 years ago I am lounging in bed at home and from across the room Mr. Pansy freaks and shouts "What is wrong with your armpits?" I look at him with annoyance, check my armpits and say "Nothing. They have always looked like this." Which is, they have always been somewhat convex as opposed to concave. I am seeing a doctor the next day so I ask him what's the deal, if there is even a deal at all. HE says "That's just extra breast tissue." And then my doctor massaged MY armpits a bit too much in my opinion. So now I have to go and confess to Sexy Mexican and Portugese Washer Woman that I have Armpit Boobs. I win the "quantity" contest with my Four Boobs, but only Sexy has an extra boob with a nipple.
And yet I am left with this puzzle: How stupid is Sexy Mexi (or anyone who spends more than 30 seconds with me) to not have learned after all this time to never, ever share any private information with Pansy?
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3 comments:
Note to self: Never eeeeevvvvver share any personal experience of the somewhat compromising and potentially embarrasing nature with Pansy.
Note to Quadroboobia: That sheep is a damn liar! No, not that one, 4boobs. The cute one over there.
Howard's not worried. All his shared private information has been nothing but lies, stinking, putrid piles of lying lies. And my attorney agrees with me too. Have you met my attorney? Better hope not.
EPIPHANY!! This probably explains Pansy's Perspiration Peculiarities. Her right armpit/chest boobs are bigger than her left armpit/chest boobs. AND, her right armpit has always been the sweaty one, whereas her left armpit always smells of fresh meadows of wildflowers. The small side never grew a sweat gland!
I'm gonna start collecting all the armpit secretions and boob secretions NOW and market them as perfumes:
Left Side (for women):
Pansy Posies
Right Side (for men):
Pansy Musk
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