My 7am Angels

So there are two angels that have been brought to Planet Earth courtesy of Pansy's Prolific Loins. They are more perfect than anyone's kids...especially your ugly bastards. And their Perfection is Official, too!

At precisely 6:00pm PST on February 26, 2008, Mr. Pansy returned home once again. Because he is very well trained plus he's not equipped to survive in the Big, Bad World. Because Pansy strips him at least twice daily and removes his survival juices. Anyway, when he stepped into the house, Mr. Pansy declared "I have some really kick-ass children. They are self sufficient and not afraid of anything in the world." Then, upon Respectfully Requesting and being Graciously Granted access to the Pansy Bunker Mr. Pansy declared: "Oh Holy Mother Of God This IS The Best Bunker Ever!" Duh! And it's true. All of those statements.

Anyway, either of these Angels can, and would gladly, kick your ass 8 days a week. And don't you doubt it because the last conscious thought you would have would be this: "Did I actually say that Out Loud to her?"

ONE daughter is destined to be The President For Life Of These United States Of America By God.
OTHER daughter is destined to be The Bodyguard Of The President For Life Of These United States Of America By God.

ONE strives to be squatting at the riverside in the mud eating snails.
OTHER strives to be lounging on the yacht savoring escargot.

ONE is vegan.
OTHER is omnivorous.

ONE is so soft hearted that as an 18 month old she cried over torn automobile upholstery and asked "is something wrong with it?"
OTHER will tear your soft heart out, eat it raw and ask "is something wrong with it?"

ONE can outmanuever you mentally and be long gone before you know what hit you, leaving you in shock.
OTHER can outmanuever you physically and be long gone before you know what hit you, leaving you in shock from blood loss.

ONE studies geography hard, gets Straight As, learning how to precisely document every little speck of her arguments.
OTHER studies medicine hard, gets Straight As, learning how to precisely dock every little speck of her victims.

ONE is a "morning" person.
OTHER is not a "morning" person.
Can you pick which is ONE and which is the OTHER in this photo taken at 7am?





ONE won every spelling bee, speech contest, essay contest in her schools from 3rd grade to...well, she hasn't stopped winning yet.

OTHER won every horse show she entered, volunteered for Afghanistan as a Combat Medic, and personally hauled a 200 pound unconscious man by his own belt around his wrists into a hotel, up 3 flights of stairs while she was wearing a miniskirt and high heels. No, she didn't harm him. He was an Army buddy who drank that drink she warned him not to take from those strangers at the bar. The drink was spiked. He passed out. She administered IV fluids to flush him out enough to pass next morning's muster. Your Army at work. But now she is a civilian.

ONE and OTHER are hot. Too hot for all human male mortals. They are each currently unmarried. ONE and OTHER will put many husbands in early graves. The corpses will have very big smiles on their faces.

pick ONE or the OTHER. But whichever you pick know this: Pansy is the Mother In Law.