Pansy's REAL Maiden Name

THE Kkkhhhhaaaacckkk FAMILY STORY

Great, Great Grandpa and Grandma, with 2 boys ages 7 and 4, walked from Germany to Russia in the 1700's because that lying bitch Catherine The Great (big, wart covered, fat assed, hairy everywhere, whore) promised everyone free land and no conscription into the Russian military. During the actual walk, the 2 boys became separated from their Mom and Dad and the parents were never seen again.

Further into the walk (a stroll through the park kind of thing I am certain), the 2 boys then became separated from each other, never to see each other again. My ancestor, Heinrich Kkkhhhhaaaacckkk (typical German spelling), the older boy, was found and adopted by a family. He grew up in Russia, went to town one day when he was in his 20s and many people kept calling him "Mr. Hase". He said he was not Mr. Hase but everyone was adamant about getting him to come back to town on a specific date. They met and bore a remarkable resemblance to each other.

Yes, it was the long-lost brothers together again and everyone was quite happy about this turn of events. Mr. Hase had a different last name from "Kkkhhhhaaaacckkk" because back then when foundlings were adopted they were not given the adoptive name, to keep the lineage information pure. When he was found he was huddled up and whimpering like a scared little bunny. Hase is German for "hare". Heinrich, being the older one and having more memories of Mom and Pop told brother Hase about them and that THEIR REAL LAST NAME IS: PANSYER. You read that right. My real maiden name actually is PANSYER and I grew up to marry Mr. PANSY.

Heinrich got saddled with "Kkkhhhhaaaacckkk" because he had in his jacket pocket a Bible with his home town written in it. MY FREAKING MAIDEN NAME HAS BEEN A BIGGER LIE ALL MY LIFE than that whore Catherine fibbing about no Russian Army conscriptions. And worse, Mr. PANSY is undoubtedly my damn brother once removed. Aacckk!!

So, Heinrich Kkkhhhhaaaacckkk lived and died in Russia. His son, Heinrich Jr., grew up and had a son named Carl Kkkhhhhaaaacckkk. Heinrich Jr. and Carl (and rest of family) came over to America where Carl grew up and had my Dad and now I are here! Not in freezing Russia/Black Sea area. Ta Daaaa!!!

The reason my Stupid Elderly Baby Sister and I did not know this sooner is that even though Carl told his children this story, he had 11 kids. I theorize that by the time they got to my Dad (in the middle of the litter) and all the younger ones, the older ones said some smart-ass thing like "Oh, Dad! Not that tired old story Aggaaaiiinnnn!" And not until early 2005 did this information come down from my dad's older siblings, who continue to refuse to die. But my own Dad knew this story and never passed it on to us!

We also think we have French royalty bloodlines, so I might be some sort of princesska. Sure I are! I think the reality is probably more this way: we are the offspring of the King's daily prostitute or such. Actually, most white folks with genuine lineage they can prove do come from royalty, sideways or other ways, since the regular folks hardly made a dent in the ground with their graves much less on paper anywhere. Churches, thank God!, used to be very important and are often the only source for lots of information. And then they have the nerve to go and get burned down or flooded or blown up by war! Had they not HEARD of "backing up files" in the olden days? You would think those lazy monks could have spent at least some of their time copying the records over instead of all of their time torturing my heretic ancestors.

I have actual proof of being directly related to John Alden. And Pansy gets VERY tired of people saying "Who was John Alden?" Go fucking look it up you stupidheads. Didn't any of you retain one speck of information from school? I also can be a card-carrying DAR (if I put up some bucks and take oaths that are probably politically incorrect but my mom did at least get us on their rolls) and there were both Yanks and Rebels involved in that War of Northern Aggression, etc. All from my mother's side.

I say she married "down" into that German rabble. Heaven knows I married "down" into Mr. Pansy's rabble.


MRS. PANSY.......In-Cest La Vie