Pansy's Hot Magic Pocket

Just a lame story that began long, long ago:

The Portugese Washer Woman got sick at work one day. Her heart was racing at over 200 bpm and then would go down to about 50 bpm and she was sweating and then in chills and it was pretty scary. So I drove her to the hospital ER where they checked her out. I got to check her out, too, since they made her strip down and put EKG patch thingamabobs on all of HER thingamabobs and boobs and Personal Patch, too! As these things usually go with a young female in perfect health she was diagnosed as only having a stress/anxiety attack. During the long hours we were there I thought to amuse her by showing off my nifty new purse which has loads of pockets.

A purse with loads of pockets is Pansy's Most Biggest Fetish. This purse has pockets on all its surfaces, inside and out and even along the strap. Then I found a pocket that had somehow magically escaped all my prior inspections of the purse, which was 1 week old. And I find money ($10!!) inside this brand fucking new pocket! HOT! But how can that be? As my Portugese phrases it I had the most beatific look of unadulterated joy, glee, lust and possibly even had tears in my eyes.

Well, all I had done was turn the stupid purse over so many times I was now into "reruns" on the pockets. Which caused an expression to make its way onto my face that was 100% polar-opposite of my Happy Face. I was stupefied, angry, feeling sexually frustrated and possibly even had tears in my eyes by this extreme letdown over NO HOT MAGIC POCKET. AND no new fucking $10, neither! Shit. Hey, I was upset over my Portugese and we all know how fucked Pansy is with MATH so her losing count of pockets under that day's stress is not inconceivable.

Portugese started laughing at (definitely not with) me so hard she literally almost fell off the hospital bed. I am mortified, which so rarely happens that she laughed even harder. Then I am laughing and we laughed/cried for at least an hour straight. We could not answer the questions of the medical people and they, like, got all fucking negative on us, man. Stupid uptight straights.

This event somehow set Cosmic Forces into motion and Every Day for, I swear, the next 3 weeks in a row whatever I was wearing somewhere on it would be a Hot Magic Pocket and in that pocket would be MONEY. Sometimes $5, usually just a couple/three $1 bills, sometimes coins....but always at least $1. Money in my pockets, day in and day out.

Then the Hot Magic Pocket moved to Sexy Mexican and SHE kept finding money in her clothing pockets. One day she found TWO new pockets she had never known about before that day on the back of her skirt--which she had owned for several months. And coins in the pockets.

Finally the Hot Magic Pocket moved to the Portugese. Which was a very good thing because she is probably Half Gypsy too and they will get all freaky and definitely voodoo on you if they get too pissed off. So Sexy Mexi and I were relieved Portugese was getting some action, too, even though we were not allowed to participate in said Hot Magic Pocket action with the Portugese. She is also a major teaser bitch in case I have not mentioned this nasty trait of hers before.

Eventually the magic got used up. This was about 2001. Then, just this past couple of weeks......YES!! I have been finding money in one pocket or another of my clothing pockets.

Mr. Pansy never gets Hot Magic Pocket Action.....except with Pansy, any time he wants some! And even when he doesn't want some Hot Magic Pocket Action. Okay--that last sentence was a total, complete fucking lie. Mr. Pansy Never Doesn't Want some o' that Pansy's Hot Magic Pocket Action. He has even specifically, out loud, said to her: Feel free to wake me up any time you want to give me some hot pocket action.