So, Mr. Pansy and his Freak Friend are hitchhiking to San Francisco to catch a concert in Golden Gate Park by all The Really Cool Bands. It's free. Two skanks pick up the Hot, Long Haired College Boys and off they head for S.F. Turns out maybe the concert is just a rumor. Whatever, they cannot find the concert. So, like all smart young folk, they buy a gallon of, godsaveusall, Red Mountain Red Wine and go to the beach to drink it all. On empty stomachs naturally.
Driving home, Freak Friend has been placed in the front seat with Driver Skank. Second Skank is putting her moves (and nasty body parts) on Mr. Pansy, innocent wee little lamb. Freak Friend is feeling rough (surprise!) around the edges. Wanting to be a polite guest, Freak Friend removes his cowboy hat and thoroughly vomits into it. Then he tries to empty the hat out the passenger window. On the freeway. At freeway speeds. There apparently is something to the "wind, motion, time continuum, skanks will get their just paybacks" theory and the entire hatfull of nasty vomit goes swirling in the breeze......straight into the back seat of the car. All over Second Skank. But not innocent wee little lamb Mr. Pansy. His virtue is SAVED!
Mr. Pansy is some kind of really stoooopid dude and he tells PANSY about this misadventure of his. He will confess to any and all crimes because he is the most guilt-riddled victim of Severely Stern Germanic Parentage on earth. Turns out Pansy knows these fucking skanks. She is pleased that Second Skank had a Bad Hair Day. And Pansy hopes both Skank's hair and the Skankmobile still stink. Wait. Pansy KNOWS the Skank still stinks for sure.
Freak Friend later became a super cahuna with The Scripps Research Institute.
Mr. Pansy became the Personal HousePet of Pansy. Mr. Pansy got the better deal.
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