Pansy recently came upon a photo of Mr. Pansy because he is soooo cute. He is one seriously whippet thin, smooth shaven, Pansy's favorite kind of "not tall", greaseball car monkey, housepet man creature. One Yummy Yummy SnackBoy. Mr. Pansy, thankfully, just misses being perceived as a metrosexual. Pansy just learned the hallmark signature of a metrosexual is they wear good smelling cologne. Mr. Pansy doesn't wear cologne, just mouthwash and the lingering smell of cheapo Walgreens shaving cream from shaving me. Right now I am looking at the photo. MY God. [long, vigorous silence.......] Well! Now I have to go and wash my "Bad Lil Pansy Parts" until I come clean. Again. Some afternoons ARE delightful.
What? Who's crying "AUGH!!!! TMI!!!!! TWICE!!!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!" I ain't even begun.
COURT TRANSCRIPT:
It has been duly noted by The Court that consideration has been given, to wit: indeed, there is no evidence proferred at any time by any party, consenting or coerced, that at any time did alleged "victim" cry, or type, "STOP with the TMI already!" Therefore, The Court, in Its Infinite Wisdom, has concluded Pansy may continue with her rampaging spewing of TMI, whether said TMI is true, fictional, or otherwise. Entered Into Evidence This Date of 20, February, 2008. ~Court smiles~
THERE WAS A BRIEF, USELESS APPEAL:
FUCK! Stupid loopholes...
signed,
The Fuckee, who respectfully requests* that all future submissions of a TMI nature, as defined by The Fuckee, be expunged from the record BEFORE they've been recorded.
*using proper form: STOP with the TMI already!
THE COURT HANDED DOWN THIS FINAL RULING:
The Time Travel Stipulation to effect said requested "premature expungulation" is----nay, WILL!---cost Extry. Roolz iz Roolz and any further "respectfully-ness" will be dealt with Extremely Harshly.
Court.....OUT!
Premature Expungulation of TMI: STOP....READING....NOW!!!
In a satiated mood from the photo viewing, Pansy thought it was now safe for her to take her dirty car to her local car wash establishment. But it was a gray dampish day. Her car wash was closed! There was road construction going on so Pansy had to take a detour. She got lost. And happened upon AN OPEN CAR WASH! All right! It looked a little rundown and there were only two workers on duty. But, oh well.
Just as her car was entering the carwash, the track that pulls the cars through the wash zone BROKE! Pansy got out of her car, distraught. The water hoses then suddenly started spraying cold, soapy water even though the track was still stalled. Pansy got soaked! She gave a tiny shriek when the cold, soapy water sprayed her. The carwash workers saw her dilemma and the 2 of them rushed in to help. One grabbed her from behind and he somewhat brusquely grasped her wrists and pulled her arms down to her sides. He said "I am Raul. Be calm." The other carwash worker was in front of Pansy and somewhat brusquely rubbing her down with towels. He said "I am Jack. Be calm." Pansy, still breathless from the cold, soapy water spray, could only haltingly whisper "Oh, Jack, Raul. Thank you."
Jack did what he could with the towels but they were soon soaked and useless. Pansy was shivering now. Jack knew he had to get her heated up. He told her he was a trained rescue person and he was going to have to warm her skin-to-skin. Jack pulled down on her sheer, sodden, surplice blouse when suddenly the delicate fabric tore and revealed her ample trembling bosoms, encased in a black stretch lace, front closure, strapless brassiere. Jack peeled the lace down from the chilled boulders revealing their summit peaks. Jack gently thumbed the peaks to even higher elevations.
Meanwhile, Raul was warming her neck with his hot, steamy Latin breath and whispering "let it all go." She said "ooohhhhh. yesssssss." Raul, taking his cue from Jack, had removed his coveralls and was slowly, slloooowwlllyyy inching her skirt up her smooth thighs...slowly. He asked "does the downstairs match the upstairs?" She, shamed because she had forgotten to replace her panties after her earlier enjoyment while looking at that photo of her yummy yummy snackboy, said "oh, please. NO." Raul became more insistent and with one last tug revealed her bareness. He caressed her hipline and said "tell Raul about the meesing pantees." "They, they are black stretch lace, with boy cut leg openings and a low rise waist." "More. Tell me more about your meesing pantees. How low do they rise?" as he provocatively traced along the tender flesh below her pretty innie-belly button. "Ooohhh, lower than that, Raul." she panted. He traced lower, lower, lower until he reached her nugget.
Meanwhile, Jack was pressing warmly against her and massaging her ever so delicately with his man-fur. He asked "Are you dirty?" She growled "Yes. Dirty all the way down." And he scrubbed her clean as a whistle.
Meanwhile, Raul, firmly pressing HIS man-fur warmly against her back loading zone, said "Are you dirty like that girl in town?" She moaned "I AM that dirty girl in town." And he scrubbed her clean as a whistle.
Pansy said "After all these twisted roads that we've been down together I think it's time to say goodbye. And believe me if you think I'm gonna get down and crawl you don't know me, you don't know me at all.
Jack and Raul both said "And when you need us and you think we're gonna be there when you call? Well, you don't know us, you don't know us at all."
Sincere apologies to Don Henley. I have no explanation whatsoever for how this story came to be other than Bad rock and roll influences. Just like the old folks warned us about.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
I hate it when the car wash is closed and you gotta do it yourself. By hand.
Well, Dawg...I mean, Bitch...it was aaiiight, you know? But you gotta really make the right selection. It was like, I don't know, like there was something missing in between the whistle cleaning and the climax. What about some wax jobs? So, while it worked for me, keep in mind this is A.I. (Amore Incidentale) Idol and you gotta be sure you hit it (pun!) every time.
Fist, I mean FIRST of all, you look wonderful. Your hair, the torn clothes, the water-streaked makeup. You really took some chances there and made the look work for you. And like Randy said, you had most of the elements. I would say you just need to feature Raul and Jack a little more. I really felt your energy and like I should have been in there somewhere, too. Call me next time you see Raul and Jack, okay?
I have to agree with Paula and Randy here. You were just all right. Your whole "thing" was strangely karaoke and just a bit like some sort of, oh I don't know, coked up wedding bridesmaid. Keep in mind this is A.I., NOT some low-rent Penthouse Letters competition. You really need to tap more (pun!) into your whole scene, which is to say call ME next time you see Raul and Jack, okay? Now, off with you. We'll see you next week.
Pansy, I do NOT appreciate your usurping MY commentary and palming it off (pun!) as yours!
Okay, Pansy. So how are YOU feeling about Randy, Paula and Simon's comments? And would you please, please, please call ME next time you see Raul and Jack? Pleeeezze?
Well, I agree that I do need to work more with Raul and Jack. They are awesome! As for Simon saying it was like a coked up wedding bridesmaid doing bad karaoke I say: Blow me! I know what his problem is. My dick is too big for his tastes. And I bet he's tasted Lots of Dicks. And, NO, I am not going to call any of you freaks when Raul and Jack and I get our freak on next time.
Pansy,
I've read and loved your comments so many times on Bike Journal that I had to check out your blog. Your my kind of woman!! And you know how much carpenter's love unabashe d "Mistress' of the house". Don't ever stop writing. I hope to meet you some day at a bike ride.
Carpenterdoug! Don't you know about the filters over at BikeJ that they use to find out who clicks on what links? And when they get around to the Cs, you are going to find yourself banned so fast from BikeJ your bike will disintegrate! Well, IF there WERE such filters. Meanwhile, ssshhhhh!
Post a Comment