Pansy Was PUNK When Punk Wasn't Cool

Pansy's hair is indestructible. It is as thick as a horse's ass. Ummm....horse's TAIL. And nothing she has ever done to it has killed it. Not even chemo. Oh, sure, the chemo (that did fuck squat for getting rid of Pansy's cancer) took it all out. But Pansy's Hair grew right back when she started the chemo that "never" works but IS working. Because Pansy's Hair is one fucking tough mutha. Like Pansy. Nevertheless, one dark night her thick locks went..........awry and then things really got hairy.

The first time Mr. Pansy ever saw Pansy she had golden blonde ringlets in a Shirley Temple kinda look due to a permanent she had installed in her hair. The next day she had a golden blonde Prince Valiant hairdo. From chemically straightening her hair. The very next day she had permanently dyed her hair a jet black color. The day after that she chemically stripped the black out of her hair and tried to color it her "natural" color. Of course by now she has no idea what her natural color ever was. The color she put on turned out kinda light brown. So the NEXT day, Pansy decided she would put blonde highlights into the brown. Using one of those "kits in a box" of bleach-and-highlight.

No one told Pansy that when you bleach hair, the product must not dry out. Or the bleaching process stops at wherever it is in the process. Well. Pansy, as previously explained, has Fucking THICK hair. And she wanted LOTS of blonde highlights, so she pulled lots and lots and lots of her hair through the showercap holes. She applied the bleach to her Fucking THICK hair which soaked up all the product. The product probably was dried before she even finished putting all of it on her hair. At any rate, after the prescribed waiting time, Pansy rinsed out her hair.

WHAT THE HOLY FUCK!!??? Her "blonde highlights" were the most amazing technicolor stripes of red, black, brown, blonde, white, and Most Spectacularly: Bright Screaming Orange. And all those colors were on each strand of hair from root to end. It is now 1:00 a.m. and..........now Pansy SWEARS she was not under the influence of alcohol, drugs, psychosis, or donuts....she had to go to work the next morning. And even for her, this hair was just too much. Yes. Pansy is shamed to this day at her cowardice. She would pay Seriously Big Bucks NOW for such a fabulous hair effect.

Pansy did have an immediate solution to the problem. She would simply cut off, at the roots, all the funky hairs. After all, she has the Most Fucking THICK hair in the universe. No problem. All the hairs are cut off. Pansy goes to bed.

She wakes up and now it's REALLY WHAT THE HOLY FUCK!!??? Oh, dear god. Now she has spikes sticking up all over her stupid damn head, through her so-called Fucking THICK hair. And the spikes are all those many and glorious technicolor/flourescent colors! She actually puts a fucking scarf over her hair and goes to work looking like a goddammed Russian Babushka grannie freak!

The next day Pansy seeks professional help. No, not the kind you all know she really needs. No psychiatrist has ever been willing to see her without HUGE bucks being involved. She went to a hair dresser. He said he could cut all her hair off to the spike length but no more of that chemical stuff of any sort for at least a month. Pansy leaves the hairdresser's looking like a shaved Porcupine/Pomeranian. Which is Totally NOT as fucking fun as being a shaved Beaver. A shaved "whatever" that has many, many SPOTS of all those glorious technicolor/flourescent colors sprinkled throughout her entire Fucking THICK HEAD.....of hair.

Pansy never touched her hair again. Except for that "naturally red" coloring she has to use every 9 days because her goddam fucking Thick Hair (EVERYWHERE on her body) also grows faster than a witchtit nipple in the cold. She was 19 years old. The only time since then that she even trims her hair (on her head) has been when her hair (on her head) would get caught in doors as she whirled out of the house for another assault on the world.