Then she remembered. Everyone she knows, compared to HER, is a fucking prude! What better way to payback than to do something that could be considered titillating (LOVE that word) or compromising or embarrassing because it's just a bit too over the top AND Completely Unexplainable! hahahahhahahahahhha! Plus, she knows that her behavior is always suspect until finally---usually years down the road OR after a week of intensive one-on-one close proximity to Pansy---her victims and their entire support system come to believe and understand and accept that Pansy is over the top in the most harmless way possible. Her victims are safest when being made the butt of her jokes. Because to be her joke butt means she really, really likes you and ONLY "likes" you. No worries about her having ulterior motives. The secret to pleasing Pansy is to squirm with concern about how your support system is going to perceive the Pansy Treatment. Her joke butts are always given a "specific to the occasion" treatment.
There is no explanation for this particular joke butt other than to say it involved weather weenies; cold temperatures that did not quite materialize; and Pansy's simple request for "topless" photos of the Not Weather Weenies. Turns out that there is more than one kind of weenie. That would be: Camera Weenie.
Pansy was therefore forced, FORCED she says, to create her own Not Weather Weenie/Weather Defying photo montage. To wit:
All Pansy wanted was some "discreet" topless photos such as:
Or even this might have sufficed:
But, noooooooo!! Pansy was denied all photographic evidence so she said "Okay. Be that way! Peace Out."
8 comments:
You couldn't just TELL us that you lost some weight?
Not after THIS conversation I had with Odnna:
ODNNA: Errmm....those photos are more risque than I thought they would be.
PANSY: They are NOT! They are almost exact replicas of Cindy Crawford's photos where she was in fireman pants with the suspenders strategically placed. And those photos were in a national namby-pamby woman's magazine. Something like "Ladies Sunset Garden and Homes Journal."
ODNNA: Well, they sure are "almost."
PANSY: What do you mean?
ODNNA: Your photos way more prove that Gravity exists and Cindy sure can't claim bragging rights from you on looking like she has a bowling ball inside her abdomen.
PANSY: [Furiously hangs up and removes Odnna from her Fave Five list.]
ODNNA: [calls back] I think mebbe you need a trip to Jamaica and then you might calm down.
PANSY: Wow! When?
ODNNA: October 2009.
PANSY: I am THERE! [To raise Jamaica trip, begins eating voraciously to become 600 pound Large Lady model for joke greeting cards. They make, like, at least $2k per ton! And I'm probably halfway there!]
Pansy, those photos are over the top tasteless. EVERYONE knows you shouldn't wear camo between January and June!!!
May be Slow! You know damn fucking well that is NOT camo! It's Campho-Phenique crusted over the rash that.......YOU gave me! Bastard.
Your're trashy!!!
Anonymous! REAL trashy or just "Sears" trashy?
Dumpster trashy!!!!! You're to OLD of a HEman to be acting and talking the way you do.
"Dumpster" trashy!? So THAT explains why I constantly find myself regaining consciousness in a dumpster and my clothes all scattered around the parking lot. Well, SOME of my clothes. Usually my Jock Strap is missing. Because it's NOT an "act". I really AM an Old HEman!
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