Only Mr. Pansy

Only Mr. Pansy

Something Pansy Found 2 Lifetimes Ago

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, But to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
But for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield,
But to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
But hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant me that I may not be a coward,
Feeling your mercy in my success alone,
But let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.

Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)

Thursday, October 1, 2009


More precisely: "Don't call us; we'll call you."

My onco called the Mayo Clinic on 9/18 to refer me for evaluation for a liver transplant. After a lengthy conversation with them, my onco called me at home around 11am. Well, Baby Pansy and I were out getting emergency hoof repairs for her wedding on 9/19. Mr. Pansy alleges he spoke with the onco for a long time. Don't try to fool PANSY! Mr. Pansy doesn't even talk to ME that much. Mr. Pansy is well known as "Chatty Cathy" for his verbosity. That means we mock him because he is the original "very quiet" person. But he took notes and this is what I understand is the situation:

The Mayo people are agog about me; they still would love to have me come be evaluated (if I wish); but I am not within their current protocol for bile duct cancer liver transplant candidacy.

And "whew".

I was/am very conflicted about a transplant but only because it sure sounds scary, etc. The bottom line is, if I could have a transplant I would go for it. I know from personal experience that side effects can be mitigated and lived with. It took 3 years to dial in controlling my side effects from my ongoing chemo and even THOSE 3 years were well worth the annoyances involved! haha! But what a shocker to actually have to consider "choosing" a transplant. Now I don't even have that choice. Which is where I was before, so...okay.

Science has come along far enough to actually diagnose me 6 years after the fact; and in that same 6 years it has only recently become possible for bile duct cancer people to even have a limited shot at a transplant. So who is to say that science won't/can't come through for me (or any of YOU!!) "in time"?

What if I should get "sick" before science comes through for me re a transplant? Well, hell......Been There, DOING That! hahhahaha! Best of all: I am Patient #[fill in random series of digits until your hand cramps] Yay! The Mayo Clinic itself has joined The Legions Of Those Who Know My Name!

Pansy [punching cancer]: What's my name?
Cancer: Ow! Pansy is your name.

Pansy [punching cancer harder]: WHAT'S my name?
Cancer: OwOwOw! Pansy! It's Pansy!

Pansy [now pounding the shit out of cancer]: WHAT'S MY NAME!??
Cancer: You are Pansy, The Most Manned Up Woman In The Universe!
Pansy [gives hard vag kick* to cancer]: That's Right! And don't you ever forget it!

*"vag kick" is not meant to imply my cancer has a vagina. It's just a fight move we like to bust over on my internet cancer group. Actually, I see myself giving cancer more of a "vag stomp" with some heavy, steel-toed boots.

And, by my Pansy Math calculations, it appears that between those two phone calls my onco did not help One Singular Patient for TWO HOURS! He'd better not try pulling that stunt with me during our next appointment.

This is an excellent scientific speech about cancer and its cure:


Pansy Palmetto said...

Yeh, yeh, yeh, Lewis Black.


Huh? Huh? Huh? Yeh, I thought so.

SiouxGeonz said...

I would be happy with three thousand penises myself.

Pansy Palmetto said...

Sioux: The medical term for your 3,000 penises is:
"genital warts".

Get those checked. Please. [washes hand compulsively after just typing to Sioux.]

Anonymous said...

I'm happy with two penises... mine and my partners. Both are currently functional and working but ya never know so we enjoy them while we can.