No wonder I felt so fucking awful while riding 70-ish miles this past Saturday! In fact, I felt SO bad that on Sunday I threw a tantrum and REFUSED to ride more than 40 miles. I was still feeling not great on Monday but I went to work anyway. Mostly because I have a lunch date every Monday with My Very Most Christian Friend Vicki at Denny's and I will fucking do ANYTHING for a free ass lunch. Including talking/listening to her.
She and I told each other long ago.... god, I think I have known her for almost 10 years? Fuck, no wonder she looks so much older and haggier now! hahahaha! Naw. In fact, she is a Dead Ringer for a (oxymoron alert!) "good looking Camilla". The Camilla that married Prince Homeliest Man Who Would Be King (but for the fact that his oldass bitch of a mom will NOT fucking die already!) in the history of inbred Englishmen. If Camilla were "prettied up"....she would look like Vicki.
Anyways, we told each other long ago that we could be friends and say anything to each other no matter what. Well, she evidently has the nerve to take me at my lying-through-my-teeth word and said this OUT LOUD:
Vicki: I voted "yes" on every proposition on the ballot just to Make Sure I did NOT mess up voting Yes on Prop. 8 (allows gay marriage in California).
Me: [choking on food and nearly passing out.] WHAT?
Vicki said (OUT LOUD again!) that Prop. 8 just could not happen because then sex will be taught to 2nd graders.
Vicki, honey, there's plenty of "sex education" going on already at the hands of priests, ministers, and second graders' own damn parents! And Pansy ain't talking about the Good Kind of sex education. But I don't tell her that. It would not change her mind about Prop. 8. Amazingly, her parents bankroll the Democratic Party so this just has to be breaking their elderly hearts to have raised such spawn of satan. hahahhahahha! Even the most insane throwback caveperson mentality knows that gay marriage isn't gonna kill anyone. Except in gay marriage domestic violence situations, I suppose. I just don't understand people who worry about gay marriage. I mean how did Vicki arrive at that side of the issue? With her parentage, she couldn't have been BORN that way, could she? hahahhahahaha! (That was a twist pun on gays being born that way. In case you didn't get it.)
Anyways....THAT is not what made Pansy feel so bad during her bike rides. Especially since the bike rides happened before the lunch with Vicki. No, what happened is I went in for chemo today and waddayaknow? I have a FEVER! I am SICK! I think it's all you internet people. I probably have an Internet Virus! hahahahahhaha! (THAT'S another twist on another pun. In case you didn't get it.) But then I ran a scan on my computer and there aren't any viruses there. So you assholes are off the hook. Hey! That's ANOTHER pun! ("Off the hook" means different things depending on your elderliness. In case you didn't get it.)
So I am left wondering "what's up" or, to better relate to you buncha punks "wassup?" I eventually figured out what happened. I filled out my absentee ballot and I VOTED FOR JOHN McCAIN AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. But not to worry. I live in California and this state's Electoral College has already long gone loopy over Barry Obama so my vote totally does not count, makes not a bit of difference, and I am even all down with Obama being President. Even so, I VOTED FOR JOHN McCAIN.
Anyways, I have been Actually Really Trying to study and educate myself for this stupid election. In case you babies don't know: in every election EVER there has always been One Candidate who had it in the bag. And without exception That Candidate always then proceeds to do their damndest to lose the fucking bag. J0HN McCAIN, WHOM I VOTED FOR has done the Very Most Perfect Job of Fucking Blowing His Bag that Pansy has ever witnessed.
I voted sensibly and educatably (Is that a word? Looks like I need some more edumacation my own stupid self!) on the Propositions and I am generally FOR anything that involves Education or Prevention. So I supported money for junior colleges (they are the Higher Education Lifeline for people who are never going to get into Big Time Colleges) and I supported lighter sentences that included diversion programs for certain non-violent drug crimes.
Because if society does not give its marginal, slipping between the cracks people a hand in mercy they will find themselves being bitch slapped in about 5 years by a marginal person that has a gun in one hand and crack in the other. And NO junior college credits, neither!
Anyways, I know what made Pansy sick. It wasn't that PANSY VOTED FOR JOHN McCAIN. It was the stress of voting her leanings and feelings in the face of this Mass Hysteria over Obama. He is NOT the Chosen One. He is a politician.
Hey! Are we allowed to discuss politics on the internet? If not, the jury will please disregard the prior statements in this post. hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhaha!
MY NAME IS PANSY PALMETTO AND I APPROVE THIS STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS BLATHERING.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Holy shit! That chemical shit is really messing with your judgment. "An Old Man and His Bimbo" what a great title for a movie. You hero is one stupid, dumb old man who won't change shit. He should have retired and gone fishin' years ago. No new ideas, no nothing from this old mother fucker. Just a Bimbo, trophy plant with no credibility around Washington. That will help when John Boy kicks it. And that won't be long.
I'm with you on Gay Marriage. Who the fuck cares. Let them do it. Let then take each other's money when they get divorced and all the rest of that shit that goes on. Let's move on to more important stuff like you said, educating people at a reasonable cost! How about we feed a few folks while we are at it! Maybe we could keep a few warm and put some clothes on a few while we are at it, eh? Gay marriage, who gives a fuck anyway! Well, maybe Sarah does. I'm sure she's for it just like she's for a women's right to choose, NOT!
Taco kisses from Mozam.
Who gives a shit about this Prezidenshul and gay legal bondage crap? How'd you vote on the big motherfucking train -- the one intending to cross-pollinate Hollywood with San Transcisco? I'll buy you a Dennys free ass lunch if you tell me and explain it using small words so I can understand...
Pansy voted this way on the Train To Nowhere:
NO, FUCK, NO.
NONONONONONONONONO!!!
Why? No. Fucking. Siren.
For that kinda coin Pansy wants....fuckinghell...she DEMANDS a Fucking Siren Button of her very own. To push anytime she wants to.
That's all Pansy has ever Really Wanted on ANY vehicle of hers!
GIVE PANSY A FUCKING SIREN!!
It can even be a Fake Siren Button. Pansy is loud enough to make her own Siren Song although some have been known to refer to her Prodigious Vocalization Skills as "noise". Even "braying". They are just jealous.
Denny's Free Ass Lunch coming up! (Figuratively speaking, although they have been known to literally come up.)
Mozam, you sweet talker you! [shudders somewhat involuntarily; eyes roll up behind scales]
Pansy regrets she cannot take you up on your generous offer: "I'm with you on gay marriage". You are actually TOO GAY for even Pansy!
But tell ya what! Call me after you get that "bottom surgery" done and mebbe we'll "do lunch". Taco kisses back at ya!
Very voluntary gagging and retching now.
Pansy has kinda lied about her feelings re gay marriage. What Pansy REALLY believes in and Totally Knows Will Save Society As We God Fearing Americans Know It:
Marriage should be between two unwilling teenagers.
[rim shot and thankyouSNL.]
No on the big motherfucking sirenless train, no on Prop Ha8, and yes on Palin/McBush? That's an o-fer, Miss Pansy. That's a Miss, Pansy.
But you made up for it with the teenager joke and the rim shot job.
Last time I checked, a Pansy can vote any fucking way she wants to. Even sideways.
Are you saying you APPROVE of Pansy's votes on the train and Prop. H8? (And please start spelling it correctly or stop with the 'old man trying to be hip to the jive' shit already.)
But you DISAPPROVE of voting for Palin/McBush? WTF? hahaha! Hey, if I can be gracious about Obama/Bidet (I mean BIDEN) you can get over the fact that MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of people (and even MILLIONS more, by the way) did not vote for O/B.
Yes, most of those millions are possibly Stupidheads but we got our guns, thank God, to keep us warm at night.
Yes, Pansy did implicate her membership in the Stupidheads group. Because Pansy will concede you are possibly wiser than Pansy since she doesn't know squat about teenagers + pregnancy + marriage.
For sure, though, Pansy does know this: EVEN STUPID HEAD IS STILL DAMN GOOD.
Clearly you have a fever or something.
I don't confuse BO with a messya - snork... he's from ILLINOIS !!
But hey, save that memorabilia...
Post a Comment