Pansy Had A Dream

Technically, since she was just waking up, it wasn't so much a dream as it was a "vision". But it most definitely was extremely, I say Extremely, erotic. And it wasn't even about HER getting HER rocks off. How wrong is that!? Being a demure and not very revealing person, Pansy declines to describe in too much detail herein the details of the extremely, I say Extremely, erotic scenario. But it does involve: Mr. Pansy, a 1963 VW bug (pale green), an airport, a partially dressed evidently love-starved Pansy. She got into the car and then she did.............to Mr. Pansy, who.............well, he was satisfied with his end of the deal.

Pansy calls it "Let's Play Airport". Yes, the Pansys are still finding yet more Hot Nasty things to do with each other that they have never done with each other or anyone else. If one were a RUDE reader of this report, one might be inclined to try imagining what "Let's Play Airport" involves. Well, it does NOT involve: Anything other than something so mundane as it would EMBARRASS the Pansy to reveal the details/rules of "Let's Play Airport". Unfortunately, Pansy, who likes to think she is not stupid, stupidly revealed the details/rules of "Let's Play Airport" to that horndog, Mr. Pansy. He has been all over her about the prospects ever since.

A week later Pansy is at lunch with the Portugese Washer Woman and Sexy Mexican. During this lunch Sexy says her husband got all weird on her about her latest thoughts: she would like to get a collar/leash setup. For her neck, not his. That Sexy! hahahahhahaha! Who knew? But her husband is all like "But how would I know what to do? What if I pull it too tight?" Uh, I think that part about Sexy yelling at him "You are choking me"--wouldn't that be a clue? And then Portugese says she and hubby have finally decided that they aren't destined to have another child (they have one 14 year old and have been trying) and went to appointments for a vasectomy. But first the doctor says they must test Portugese for pregnancy and the damn whore is PREGNANT! Right this very now! So, Sexy and Pansy burst into a bit of teariness at the restaurant at this great news just when 17 year old pimple-boy server comes by to see if everything is okay. Pansy wails "I'm just fine, can't you tell?" He says "I think I will just go away from this for now." hahahhaha. Of course, we must then hug each other. Can we help it if our hands slipped and found Sexy's third nipple (it's on the right side by the way) and it simply happened that we gave Portugese a bit of a pelvic exam. After the restaurant manager kicked us out we went shopping for baby shower stuff and Mother's Day stuff and all kinds of The Damn Whore Portugese Is Pregnant stuff. With periodic outbursts of teariness from Sexy and Pansy in the various stores. And that Damn Portugese Tease....she did not share HER erotic fantasy with us. Bitch. Her boobs are already HUGELY. Pansy and Sexy hope the Portugese will cooperate with the photo sessions they are envisioning.

Some people make sick and twisted word association transitions and for them "airport" led to "landing strips" which led to "tattoos" which led to those "low back but really Ass Tattoos on women" which led to concluding Pansy wants Anal Sex? WTF? That's awful. Pansy is disgusted beyond measure because everyone KNOWS those tattoos are called "tramp stamps" NOT "landing strips." And besides, while "tramp stamps" are most often seen above women's asses Pansy has seen them above some men's asses. But she thinks maybe they were gay guys. So, All Not Gay Guys who have this low-back but really an Ass Tattoo: would you please let Pansy know if those tattoos are unisex? Pansy thinks they are supposed to be a Girl Tattoo. But what does she know?

And, no, Pansy is not suddenly all hotted up about anal sex. Because we all know that anal sex, except between consenting people, is AGAINST GOD'S WILL. We know this because those holy, screw-your-neighbor's-wife-while-cruising-the-gay-bathroom-in-the-park-scene-after-scoring-some-heroin-from-that-prostitute-who-will-let-you-NOT-use-a-condom, good, God-Fearing/Loving, Right Winged jerks have declared it so from their Sanctified Pulpits (man, Pansy is going to go to hell for that rant). And, anal sex is "germy" and IF there had ever been any such activities between the Pansys it always resulted in a "rash" or "bad reaction" to SOMEONE'S man part....IF that had ever happened.....IF!!!! Which, ALWAYS gets started in the first place between hopelessly white straight people ONLY BY ACCIDENTAL SLIPPAGE resulting in a squeal (of not delight) from the female and a squeal (of great delight) from the stupidass male perpetrator. And the accidental slippage was really only because of all those beers at that rodeo followed by too many tokes of "smoke" and we all know what "smoke" does to Pansy's libido. And anal sex is just not "all that and a bag of chips" except that the gay guys the Pansys know claim that it IS "all that and a bag of chips" because of the prostate being stimulated---so at last, finally, at Pansy's advanced and elderly age she has heard an explanation for anal sex.

And did you know that Men Are Liars? Yes, they are! Pansy is shocked by the trickery of Mr. Pansy over the years. I just learned something in the past few weeks that still has me all fumey hot and not in a good way of hot. That bastard I live with told me this: a male (not necessarily him, you know....this is a theoretical mainly unsexxxed male--like all you pricks out there reading this for instance) who has a pre-awakening largesse going on is not necessarily in the mood. Said largesse can merely be due to:

(1) a not-empty bladder pressing on
(2) prostate gland which does something--constrict or increase, not certain--to
(3) blood flow which results in
(4) largesse.

All these fucking years Mr. Pansy has let me think he has a condition that needs releasement. I even said (sometimes in baby talk) "poor thing, that must be painful" to which he would bravely grimace, nod and begrudgingly accept tender mercies thereto. From now on, German Nurse Pansy intends to efficiently catheterize those stupid largesses. hatehatehatehatehahahahahhahahaha. But then, not content to leave things alone, Pansy pressed (on what she hopes was a painfully full bladder) Mr. Pansy for more information. He claims that horny largesse and pee-filled bladder largesse do NOT feel different. Just one makes him need to pee before having the very necessary and desperately needed sex. Because if he doesn't get the sex he will explode and have blue balls and all that usual blah, blah, blah that men will say in order to score their Very Undeserved Extra Sex. Pansy hates that she is so easy.

However, Mr. Pansy tries. Years ago he suddenly asked out of nowhere "Do you need more cuddling after sex?" This was just "after". What in fuck is he doing waking me up? Good god. Hey, Pansy blacks out instantly upon achieving the "after" state. Do NOT be bothering her with stupid cuddling shit. And he'd better not be trying to act all "sensitive" by asking about my "needs" just to snag some cuddling for himself either. What I NEED is for him to get my rocks off. If he happens to get lucky himself along the way, more power to him.

At about the 10 day mark since Pansy's vision, the opportunity to Play Airport arose. Actually, it was Mr. Pansy's "opportunity" that arose. Pansy went for it. The landing was a little rough. No! Not with a collar/leash! And there was nothing shoved up anyone's butt either. And she does not recall when he peed. To be more precise, finesse will smooth off the rough edges. How's that saying go? Practice makes perfect? Which Mr. Pansy has indicated he is very willing to put up with said practice. Rough as it might be. Shut up! Pansy does not mean "rough".

Fine. Okay. Pansy will tell you exactly what the vision was about: it's exactly what YOU have been wanting to do/have done to you but for whatever reasons the partner involved just would not go along with it. The difference between "Let's Play Airport" and whatever you are desiring is only in the DETAILS specific to you and your situation. So, give it another try with your partner. Ya never know. Again Pansy is forced to say "what the hell was I holding out for all this time?" Mr. Pansy had nothing to say after we played "Airport". He had blacked out. ~smiles~